What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
