Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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