Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just saw a hot homeless man
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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