you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
