I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
