Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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