did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
