Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
