its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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