I didn't shave. On purpose
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize