throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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