the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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