Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
