I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
