Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
