Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
