I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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