I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
