My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize