Tell her she can't have a vagina
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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