He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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