Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
