Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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