You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
