Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
