i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
