Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
