I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
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