I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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