Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
