brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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