i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
