Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
