Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
