there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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