You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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