I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
