Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
