he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize