I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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