Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
