Redeem this text for a blowjob
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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