Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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