So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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