i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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