Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
