i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize