If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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