Kiss
Puke
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
