You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
