Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
