You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize