We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
