before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
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