hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
