We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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