I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
