When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
