I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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