What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
