i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
