can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
