i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
