it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
