My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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