I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
