you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
You pole danced in your parka.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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