ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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