please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
