forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
All I want is dick and wine.
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