oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
