If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
