i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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