"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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